Never before have I found cuts so useful. Normally, I’d be thinking that what I gotta say must be said and read, no cuts! But now, when my emotions are out of control in ways that I’m sure to find embarrassing later, they help.
I really just need someone to talk to. Someone who could be selfless for a few hours to listen to me cry and sob and self-pity… It’s pathetic, really, what I feel, and additionally far too plentiful to make it worth typing anymore for posting on this blog. I’d spend multiple times more hours typing up my woes in some coherent blog post than just ranting off to someone in person or in chat or something. I’m feeling worthless, lost, and pathetic, at the moment.
In the end, I’ll probably get over it. I don’t know if I’ve said this before on here, but I’ll say it again: I will never kill myself. I’ll always be treading dangerous and dark territories with my feelings in wanting to die, at worst I may self-harm, but I’ll never kill myself. Despite all the despair, I’ve come to a rational decision that I cannot and will not do it. So don’t worry about my well-being or potential to be suicidal. I’ll feel like shit and feel like dying, but I won’t ever do it myself. (Unless this is saving someone or something like that. That would be worthwhile, and for a good cause.)
Anyway. Good night.
Feeling miserably yours,
Michelle
