Did I mention that I was even stressing out what to get him for his birthday? A present which I was hoping I could sneak to him after the performance. I was even stressing about finding a way to get to see him, if one could at all. I had so much on my mind, but it was okay. I was happy, and I had this one night of joy to look forward to.
Pardon the immaturity, but I am sincerely just so devastated. They always say third time’s the charm, but it doesn’t seem to work that way. 3 times have I been so close, yet in the end so far to meeting this man. The first countable chance was when he came to Costa Mesa for a concert, which if not for certain circumstances, I would have made it to the stage door after the private performance. The second, was when I went to New York last spring with choir, and wept by the Majestic. Those last two, I could let go of, as this San Diego concert would be the third chance, the charm! It won’t be. I swear from this day never to use or believe in that damned phrase again.
Maybe my hormones are off balance. Maybe I’m just being a teenager. But I am so shaken and can’t help thinking that good things like this aren’t meant to be. I’ll always be the greatest silent fan, for hell, I can’t show my support in person or even fit into the fan community.
I haven’t told my mother yet. I don’t know how I will. Chances are she’ll blame me for wanting to go. She’ll blame me for not checking enough that he would for sure be there. She won’t give a shit that I want to sleep for a week stuffed in a tear-soaked pillow, but will instead think me silly. That’s just how she is. But I can’t be mad at her. I feel to terribly sorry and guilty that I begged her to get me the tickets in the first place.
Sorry. I don’t make sense anymore, and I know it.
Today is not my day.
Spring semester starts in 2 days.
aeflhidfgo;ifhgo;agi js;rtu hrt;hj
I hate the world.
No, I don’t.
I’ll regret this in the morning.
[tears]
